A plea to those who ‘dab’ for a living. You may be harming your soul.
The other day YouTube recommended me a video of a man jumping into a pool of slime. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed with the world. Especially with those who let this happen. There are now more ‘content creators’ than there are doctors, teachers, and engineers combined. Ok I made that bit up. But it sure feels like it. They are ruining everything. I see these young men and women in their tie-dye shirts, loitering in bars and coffee shops and bookstores. They shout phrases like ‘YOLO,’ scaring us regular customers away. It’s like they exist in another reality. One where everyone is hard of hearing and there are cameras everywhere. Someone needs to stop them before it’s too late.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m hip with the Instagrams and the WhatApps. I’m not afraid of technology (except for smart toasters, don’t get me started on them) What worries me is that these people are forgetting how to live their lives. It can’t be easy always being ‘on’. For instance, not every walk in the park needs to be filmed in slow-motion. There comes a point where even the most deluded must realize that wearing a cow costume to the pool is not a sustainable life choice.
I understand why people are attracted to this lifestyle. The most successful content creators, your Logan and Jake Pauls, seem to have it all. Millions of followers, McMansions, beautiful women, and stylish friends that follow their every beckoning. Once upon a time you had to be an aristocrat or a king to obtain these things. Now you just need a vlogging camera and the ability to ‘dab’.
One of Jake Paul’s videos is called “I BOUGHT MY BROTHER HIS DREAM CAR **LAMBORGHINI AVENTADOR** (emotional)” It has over 24 million views. And yes, that is the title. The caps-lock and the parenthesis were sadly not my doing. I assume Jake thought that when you buy a luxury car you don’t just tell people. You must SHOUT IT TO THEM AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. And in case you did this so loudly to burst their eardrums, you must calmly remind them that the tone of the video, after all is said and done, is supposed to be ‘emotional’.
Anyway, the video begins on Jake waking up his housemates with a DeWALT garden blower. Most people are happy rising to their phone alarms. But I imagine the iPhone ringtone wouldn’t make for very exciting content. I wonder whether Jake’s roommates are happy with this arrangement. If I woke up to the sound of a loud motor I think I would have a heart attack. Or at least an aneurism. Then I remember that they all signed up for this when they agreed to live in a content creator’s home.
Cue the cinematic coffee run. Enter the age-old question. Is a coffee really a coffee, if you didn’t drink it in slow motion with an electronic backing track?
Now to the main event. Jake explains to the camera his plan to ‘prank’ his brother on his birthday. He is going to pretend to gift him a Lamborghini luxury car. He even has a “Lamborghini guy” who will lend one to him, to make the prank more believable. I’ll give Jake credit. I might have a haircut guy, a book guy, and even a doughnut guy, but I can’t say I have a Lamborghini guy. “It’s a little messed up. This is going to be heartbreaking for him but it’s going to be absolutely hilarious,” says Jake.
I remember being taught some fluff in school about respecting others and their feelings. Clearly this is not the way the world works anymore. The person you should respect, according to Jake Paul, is your audience. The way you do this is by providing them hilarious content. Who cares about the emotional health of your blood relatives.
Jake and his friends park the Lamborghini in his brother’s garage and wander into his home. He walks up to his brother in the shower. There are no boundaries when you are a content creator. After all, life is your paint and the camera is your canvas. But it’s ok because Jake’s brother, Logan, is a content creator too. After he gets dressed, they chat in the living room. Both hold a camera in one hand. I can’t really tell what is going on at this point. Are they talking to the cameras or to each other? And does that make their interaction real, or are they just ‘acting’ for the audience?
Jake surprises his brother with his ‘gift.’ He unveils the Lamborghini in the parking lot, which leaves Logan speechless. After a couple of minutes in which Logan looks like he has won the lottery (and ‘dabs’ a couple dozen times) Jake reveals that the car does not belong to him. It is all a prank. Logan laughs, but you can tell that he is heartbroken. His baby is taken away from him before it could even cry. In the life of a content creator, nothing is real.
Something I’ve learnt as I’ve gotten older is that life is never this exciting. We look back fondly at all the parties and trophies and career successes. But a much greater chunk of life is spent throwing out the trash or heating up last night’s dinner. And so it is important to find peace and joy in the mundane moments. A happy day for me consists of drinking a warm cappuccino and reading the newspaper. Nobody will ever see a video of me drinking my coffee in slow-motion because the truth is, first thing in the morning I look like crap. My hair sticks out in all directions and my eyes are caked and crusty. But I don’t have to worry about putting on some silly costume and tiring myself out with an exhausting prank. I can just be myself.
When you are a content creator, you fill your life with novelties like pranking your brother with expensive cars and jumping into slime pools. Then suddenly the mundane is no longer enough. Everything has to be fresh and exciting. Your life becomes a reality show. And when everything is a reality show, nothing is reality.
Save your souls content creators. Before it’s too late. Put away the vlogging cameras and selfie sticks. Jake Paul, not everything needs to get a million views. And you might just feel a sense of relief, that today, for the first time in god knows how long, you can just be the real you.
Hastag, selfie, YOLO.
