It barrels towards me at breakneck speed. I watch it shake its angry writhing head, as if summoning some kind of demon. A swarm of black legs scuttle in unsettling motions. My life flashes before my eyes. I fear that I have reached the conclusion of my short, unfulfilling tenure.
The cockroach pauses for a moment in the space between the couch and the TV cabinet. For a second, I catch my breath and assess the situation. Ordinarily I would call for my Mom or Dad to squish the monster’s brains into oblivion. But it’s the middle of the day and they are at work. I am at home, all by myself.
One possibility is that I wait the beast out. I could remain in this position for the rest of the day until my parents came home to my rescue. What a sight it would be for them; their 23-year-old son cowering on the couch, at the will of an insect.
But what if my parents never came home? I may spend the rest of my life here. I would watch my 20’s pass by, paralyzed and fixed to the couch. I’d grow old and observe the world change through CNN and NBC.
Birthday parties, get-togethers, weddings and reunions. These are the things that I would miss out on due to fear. One day I would find myself still sitting on that couch, my life over before I realized it. The cockroach would be long gone, and I’d wonder why I never found the courage to take action.
I knew I couldn’t live this way. I had to make a move and save myself before it was too late. I pick up a magazine and approach. The beast doesn’t move. It is not daunted. “Come on,” it says to me with its wriggling antenna. “I know you don’t have the guts.”
“Aaarrgghh!!!” I scream as I not only strike the infuriating arthropod but slam my fist into the ground. I am strong and fearless. Be gone negativity! I feel the insect’s guts squirm under my hand. Black goo, the remnants of the pulverized cockroach life. It stains the carpet and I feel my insides crawl. I run to my bedroom and sob.
When my parents come home they ask me what happened. They laugh. After some hot tea I calm down. Shame bubbles inside but also a trace of pride. For a split-second I overcame my fear. I battled the hideous monster and came out on top. I did not allow the beast to corner me and let my life pass before my eyes. If I can squish the beast, what can’t I squish?
Daily Adulting is a self-help humor blog written by Leon Wu. He documents his thoughts and experiences about growing up, while taking a break from life and moving back in with his parents. Subscribe to follow his (hopefully) uplifting journey.
