Sex is to life as what chocolate sprinkles are to a cappuccino. It is technically fine without it. And the drink is still called a cappuccino. But it is much better with it. And it is even better if you can get it with the sprinkles that pop in your mouth.
But the latest research say that millennials are not having sex. They are having less than their parents did at their age. And much less than the baby-boomers before them. This seems to defy logic. What happened to social progressiveness? What about all those dating apps?
The question came to me when Facebook placed this ad onto my news feed. Through its complex algorithms, Facebook decided I was a virgin. Huh. Was it all the fan-fiction I was reading? Although I am not a virgin, it is true that I have not had sex in a while. Once I started thinking about it, I realized that neither had many of my friends.
I knew this for a fact because if they had, they would have told me.
I got dinner with my friend group the other night. All of us are males in our early 20s. Most of us are single. Usually our conversations revolve around pop culture, movies, and television.
“Look what Facebook is advertising to me. The nerve! It’s like the machines are mocking us…have any of you been targeted like this?”
One of my friends, Stu, admitted that he hadn’t gone near a woman since high school. For him it wasn’t a conscious decision. Time had slipped away and before he knew it five years had gone past without any type of sexual relationship.
“And it didn’t bother you?”
“To be honest, I didn’t really notice until you brought it up. Can you pass me the salt?”
In my case and Stu’s, a major factor was that we were both living with our parents. According to a report from the Australian Institute of Family Studies, 43% of people between the ages of 20–24 live at home. This is up from 36% in 1981. With a shrinking job market and rising house-prices, more and more millennials are finding it difficult to afford their own place.
Imagine bringing someone back to your family home. It’s an obstacle course of parental avoidance. You must tiptoe your way through the front door and hope that your parents are asleep. But of course, Mum is baking pecans in the kitchen and Dad is watching TV in the den. The awkward conversation that follows is a turn off for everybody.
They say 30 is the new 20. Well then 20 is the new 10 except with more facial hair.
But that is not the only reason for society’s diminished sex drive. Another friend, Joe, claimed that living conditions weren’t the only issue.
“I just don’t want to bother with the trouble. There’s so many other activities I could be doing...”
The emergence of apps has simplified the dating process. How did we ever live before Tinder? Before swipes? Perhaps with more thumb dexterity. But technology has not just made dating easier. It has also made everything else easier.
One of the biggest changes that came with smartphones, is the way we communicate with each other. It no longer has to be done in person. With social media and online forums, countless virtual communities exist. Want to chat to someone about your favorite singer? You can log on to Reddit and find other ‘Beliebers’ instantly. At the press of a button. While laying in bed.
Technology has replaced many forms of social gathering. YouTube is the 21st Century concert venue. Netflix is picking at the carcass of drive-in cinemas. And sexual relief is being served by the massive trove of online pornography. YouTube, Netflix, Pornhub…these are the names of the new lovers we take to bed.
Machines are not only taking our jobs. They are taking our relationships. Our communities. And our sex drives.
So millennials not only face the challenges of the shrinking housing market and population boom. It also must deal with new structures and social norms. 2020 American Democratic Candidate Andrew Yang, argues that machines are disrupting our labor economy. But I’m going further than that. They are disrupting our social lives as well. We are already living in the matrix. Our minds exist online, placated by bits and code. Physical reproduction is becoming a purely mechanical process.
It’s only a matter of time before sex goes the way of the fax machine, or the drive-in movie theater. And depending on what your kink is, that is either exhilarating or scary.
